Finally, it's time to get some relief in the only way possible given the situation. God, I really hope our next mission involves a few weeks on some planet with humans. Big, strong, sweaty men who only exist to please me. Oh well, ain't gonna happen, so it's back to the holo-vids for me. And suddenly, what was merely a bad day gets much, much worse.

"Chingado!"

"Chingado! Chingado! Chingado!"

These are the immortal words that Frayne, my endlessly patient science officer, hears coming from my quarters as the holo-vid decides to freeze right in the middle of a particularly "juicy" morsel. I always resort to my native language when I am particulary agitated. There's nothing like a good Spanish swear-word to quell the fires of anger.

"Can I...er...help you?"

"No! Um...I mean...Yeah. I guess. Hang on. But you have to promise not to laugh."

"How about I come back in another fifteen minutes, when you're all suited up, then we can discuss your...problem."

"Okay, sure." Thank god for small favors. Once again, I get back to the business at hand. It doesn't happen often, but there are days like today when I wish I was a man so that things like this were a whole lot easier. Of course then I wouldn't be able to enjoy a nice, big...

"Captain Mahalia."

"AHHHH!" The view screen over by my cryochamber goes off, causing me to scream like a girl.

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