Many nondescript floors later, the door opens revealing the medical bay with a big sign proclaiming "Browsing holo porn. Please come back later." Linaeve bursts out laughing and Frayne simply snickers. I am flabbergasted.

"What the hell kind of ship is this?" I mutter. "The information booth, and maybe even security I can understand, but the med bay? Help, my arm is cut off! Oh sorry, come back later, I'm jacking off in the back..."

That elicits a round of laughter from all of us and even I begin to crack a smile.

The elevator doors close and another 14 floors go by. The smile is once again gone from my face, and I think Linaeve is asleep in the corner. The doors open again, this time on our floor, and we all step out. The reception area, of course, is completely empty. I don't even want to look at the sign, but I do anyway. "Getting laid, leave me alone!" Well, good for them. Meanwhile, we have no idea which of the 30 some odd rooms we are supposed to go to. I am beginning to think this whole thing is some type of farce or, worse yet, a trap.

"Linaeve, what door are we supposed to go to?"
"Well... the door on your left is feeling dangerously depressed. Wants to end it all. How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm an empath, not a psychic."

"Thanks," I roll my eyes. "I knew I should have traded you in when I had the chance. What about you, Frayne? Do you have any tidbits of wisdom?"

Frayne, God love him, considers the question. "Well, we could split up and check them all. It would speed up the process."

Linaeve pipes up, suddenly sounding like a strung-out teenager. "Zoiks, Scoob! I, like, don't think that's such a good idea! We might, like, barge in on something embarrassing, you know?"

I'm about to suggest that we go back to the ship when I hear faint strands of music.

"Hear that?" I ask. Frayne nods. "Let's start there."

We progress down the hall and the sound gets louder, overloading my synapses with repetitive synthesized elevator music. I want to simultaneously kill the person playing the music and curl up into a sobbing ball on the floor. We finally reach the door, which says "Please, come in. We don't bite." I shrug and reach for the door.

Continue...